News: Friday Fire: Will.i.am Is The New Cristal, Wild DMX, T-Pain And More

"When you compare it to today's standards of what hip-hop is...don't even call it that, 'cause that's like, an insult. Today's hip-hop is just angry, negative music that just makes black people look bad."

Wow. Ohhhk, Will.i.am Bill Cosby, that's your new name. Just like dude at Cristal, what in the world were you thinking with a statement like that? I mean, you Black Eyed Peas hit the scene as a hip-hop marketed group, but now it's a "negative music that just makes black people look bad," huh? You're crazy. And to think of it, people actually rocked out to your hook on Busta's "I Love My Chick." But now after you do the song, hip-hop is not cool anymore, huh? The nerve of this guy. I knew Busta should have put my man Cee-Lo Green on the hook. Hip-hop heads actually digged it when "My Humps" hit the system in the clubs, so they could see what the ladies are working with in the backyard area, but no more of that. We're spitting out Cristal like Diddy and banning you from jumping on a hip-hop track Will.i.am Bill Cosby J-E-L-L-O. It's funny that you make this statement after you jump onstage with Busta Rhymes, Lloyd Banks, Papoose and a guy named Eminem at the BET Awards. Those dudes pretty much embody hip-hop. So, did you tell them how you feel about the genre after the performance? Probably not. So ya see, keep making your car commercial-ready songs and keep raking in that money, but don't sh-- on hip-hop or hip-hop may sh-- on you. ...

 DMX

Not to repeat something you already know, but DMX is a wild, reckless dude. His moods are crazy. (In my best X impersonation) Nah, mean? One second he's super emotional reciting his traditional prayer and the other he's calm, cool and reserved, while talking to his neighbor in Arizona, Cowboy Buddy. Nah, mean? Grrr. His BET reality series, "DMX: Soul of a Man," exemplifies that erratic behavior. I thought the funniest part of Wednesday's episode was when he told viewers in a truck stop 7-11 type store that the donuts taste the best in the wee hours of the morning, when they just come in and then he broke out with a little two step. Nice. I think the saying "Go by the beat of your own drum" was made for DMX...and Ron Artest. Ya gotta love them, though.

I dig Nina Sky's new song featuring Rick Ross, "Flippin' That." On the track the Nina Sky cuties croon, "I'm a rider, yes a provider, type of chick to take the stand and say your honor, 'I was beside him all night, yes I promise.'" See, see, that's the type of chick that every dude needs. LOYAL. Then Ricky Ricky Ross cleans up the song aptly with: "They deliver my blow on those cigarette boats that's a million a float." Crazy.

Another hot song is Ludacris' "Money Maker" featuring a crooning Pharrell. Niiice.

We all know Eminem could rhyme for days. Now, we know he's a good producer, too. Ohh, yes, that dude has improved on the boards DRASTICALLY. Listen to Obie Trice's "Jamaican Girl." Nice effective beat.

You know what I like about Fat Joe? Dude will let someone get on his track and bring their own flavor, but he'll stay New York, New York. Listen to his new joint, "Clap and Revolve," off his impending Me, Myself and I LP. The hook "Clap and Revolve, Clap and Revolve" is totally Drama'd out, but Joey Crack is spitting as New York as New York gets. I like that.

Who knew soccer could be that hardcore? I never knew a dude was capable of knocking out an opponent with a headbutt to the chest. That's insane!

Don't you ever forget about Raekwon. Peep The Chef's "Brother's Keeper" featuring none other than the Illmatic one, Nas.

Speaking of never forgetting, I got a sneak preview of the new Green Lantern and Kool G. Rap mixtape. Dude still gets BUSY. I also like this upcoming kid, Nino Bless. The dude has an all-day, high-octane flow and he does not waste a line.

Sugar cereals make those Hyphy kids jump up and down. Sugar cereals made Justin Timberlake make "SexyBack." That song is softer than a Kleenex on a baby's behind. I don't know about "SexyBack," but what Justin needs to do is TakeBack that song and shelf it...for good. It...sucks.

I hate cut and paste artists. If you're a cut and paste artist, then you need to bring your face closer to the monitor and really peep what I'm saying here. Yea, that's right, get close enough to spot all the dust on your screen. Ok, good. Now, shouldn't every artist be One-Take Hov in the booth? Ok, ok, I can understand a singer who has to record the verses, hook and bridge separately, but if an artist is singing one line at a time, isn't that a problem? I can make a blazing album if I do one line at a time over a Scott Storch beat. Ridiculous. Get in there and sweat -- whether you're an MC or singer -- and get as close to doing a song in as few takes as possible. Otherwise, you're factory-made. ...

Trick Daddy is underrated. Joe Budden is sick with it. I'm guilty of not naming him when I bring up upcoming nice MCs and Budden is just that. As a matter of fact, Joey is getting so nice so rapidly that it's scary. Truth be told, a lot of famous MCs can't see him lyrically.

And speaking of Joe, earlier in the week, I put together a little countdown for SI.com and Budden made it! It's for the Top 5 Hip-Hop Lyrics About Athletes. Check it out at www.sportsillustrated.com.

In case you don't know it by now, Grafh's "MySpace Jumpoff" is on steady rotation on New York City's famed radio station, Hot 97. I'm talking every hour on the hour. Wonder if dude will get the big deal he's craved for via this song. Only time will tell.

Speaking about singers, R&B cats really feel themselves. With the exception of the few hard R&B cats, a lot of these dudes sincerely believe that they look better than the women they keep around them. Some of these cats (Avant) would rent out a mirrored hotel room without a girl. Be easy, dogs.

One reader explained to me that the saying monkey, comes from a long time ago when a big ole ass looked like two monkeys were in it, fighting to get out. HAHA!

Another reader made the explanation less creative and more simple:

"My man, I'm up in the Bay and we call pu---, monkey and the good gushy gushy. We also call asses, thumpers...you know the slang changes fast! Peace..."

Niice, thanks for the explanation.

Then T-Pain's PR rep asked me to ask him about sounding like a human synthesizer, which (if you're reading this) I will do. Good looks to all with the comments.

Before putting the pen down for the week, I have to talk about Dave Chappelle's Tupac skit. Ingenious. We all love Tupac, but sometimes his newest albums drop and take us off guard. Well, Chappelle took that to a whole other level and extreme. Peep it here and remember, "I wrote this song a long time ago, a real long time ago. Feel me. I wrote this song a long time ago. It was the dopest song I ever wrote ... in '94."